"Imagine if I had to console,
The family of those slain,
I slain on game consoles,
I aim I hold, right trigger to squeeze,
press up and Y one less person breathe,
B for the Bombs press pause for your moms,
Make the room silent, she don't approve of violent games,
She leaves resume activity,
Start and blew hearts with poor harsh wizardry,
On next part I insert code
To sweeten up the little person' murder workload
I tell him he work for
CIA with A
A operative, I operate this game all day
I hold a controller connected to the soldier
With weapons on his shoulder he's only seconds older than me
We playful but serious, now keep that on mind
for on line experience" -Lupe Fiasco, Little Weapon
There is a very large range of emotions I feel when I watch an action movie. I was reminded of all of these feels when I watch Battle: L.A. At times I found myself teary eyed in the middle of a "man moment," the moment in every war film where the soldiers get sensitive when the talk about the pain and the glory of combat. I cheer for the elimination of the enemy, I mean I am American...everyone is the enemy. I am sad when a character begins to push up daisies...though in Battle: L.A. the daisies where more like the rumble from 110 freeway. Still in the fictional absurdity that is every blow up Michael Bayesque film, I am disgusted by the use of violence to solve the problems. More importantly, the glory of battle...or of the kill.
Its funny I mention killing...well funny in the worst sense possible. I got to start my day off with a kill. As my dog and I walked across the front yard, I noticed a small bird just relaxing on the edge of a planter. With monster like quickness and ferocity, my dog snatched the bird off of the edge of the planter. I can't say why the bird didn't fly away, but for whatever reason, it just sat there and was taken by my dog. With shock and horror, I pry the bird out of my dog's mouth. The poor bird though, is no bueno. I take a rock and have to make the bird stop suffering from no bueno, I had to make the bird no mas. My jaw down on the floor, I am unable to find feeelings, emotions, or thoughts to characterize the way I feel about my actions. My dog and I turn into Bonnie and Clyde, a murderous duo. If it happens again, and I have to call again...will it be easier? Or more importantly, do I want it to be easier?
As I sit here, trying to write this post for the third time in two weeks, I wonder...is there a solution? Am I search for an answer or am I just spit-balling? The guilt I feel from my movies and my games existed...but not to the extent that effects my life(style). However, when I work with students I never let them play fight, the idea of making a gun out of builder blocks or any other manipulative, hand included, makes me use my teacher voice to fully illustrate the full meaning of my dislike of actual violence. Actual-violence that actually exists, physical beings are harmed...does this included football or basketball? Two sports I thoroughly enjoy could be described as "violent." Clearly I'm surrounded by violence. In my mind I tell myself that I am a passivitst...abhorring any form of violence. Going from my conversations on the horrors of way, I play a first person shooter where my goal is to kill...that's right kill anyone else...the reason...justification...for the killings....lacking. I kill on levels called Firing Range and WMD....making light of the real meanings of both of these places. Can I find peace between these two worlds? Maybe I have found peace already...I"m not that upset when I play my games, nor when I watch my movies...but somehow this question lingers..."How can I let myself be such a hypocrite face with a world in utter destruction?"
I clearly have a lot of time on my hands...I have been on spring break. Tomorrow I start my readings for the next semester and my classes will start on Tuesday. I am not looking forward to the stress but I am looking forward to actually having something to do. I am actually looking forward to having to have readings to do tomorrow. I can't believe it...but such is the state of my life...or lack there of. I have nothing to look forward too. I have things I'm dreading...but nothing I'm excited about....no appointments with friends to keep...no big trip....no person to just sit and talk with...I find myself....existing next to, not with, all 37,000 people in Claremont.
Random Factoid: I fear my Spanish is drifting away from me, I tried to write an email today and I had to look up far too many words than I would have preferred to have looked up.
La Cultura Cura
